outdrlvr

The peaks

2006-02-28T18:23:00.000-08:00

This picture was taken while hiking the Kachina Loop backwards (counterclockwise). Usually when people go hiking, most of them will hike more down than up.... not my friends ;)

this hike was listed as 14 in the book, it was atleast 17 miles. Our GPS lost touch with satelites from time to time (on the west/southwest sides) so it might have been longer.

we planned on hiking this route as a training run for another hike.. this ended up being more challening than the one we were training for...

As it was, I found out my body still gets mad at me at elevations above 11,000. One these days will stop giving me a hard time, maybe. Either way the views are worth the price, not to mention the solitude and lack of human noises, mostly just the wind trying to blow us off the mountain, the crunch of our steps and the labor of my breath. Not to forget the sound of my heart beating at elevation and trying to find a way out of my chest, there is nothing more profound than the feeling of the heart thumping strongly ones body.

Anyway enjoy the view, I love this pick it says alot.

C.

returning quest

2006-02-08T19:18:00.000-08:00

So I've taken a long leave of absence... Life was really crazy, Im amazed the amount of life stuff having a child on the way will create. Kind of a strange sentence, but such is life...

I thinking of coming out of the closet so to speak. When I first created this blog I figured it would be a good place to hide. A place to put out my shadow, the parts I didnt dare show in my real life. to afraid of being judged or it just wasnt appropriate in my life. Obviously it didnt work, I think it is one reason I stopped blogging. Wasnt real to me.

So this time I think it will be about the real me, what I do for fun, my trail times and life times as well. Instead of just making it a good story, like the one I started to write, it was more of a fantasy than anything else. Didnt really happen, which is probably good in retrospect.

So here I am again, lets see where it takes me...

C.

Ps. I am actually in that picture, you would have to make it big to see me, which is the point. The picture is from my first rim to river to rim. Coming out of the inner canyon (Grand Canyon) on the south kaibab trail.

the meeting

2005-09-19T09:17:00.000-07:00

Almost there.. just over the rise I think. I can't believe I did this. That guy told me this was one of the tough ones in town. I didnt think it would be this tough. A pretty good elevation gain, 2200 feet in 1/2 a mile. Holy shit, what was I thinking. It was my test. Its why I came here. I wanted that challenge and I got it. I'm glad, all I have to do now is get back down. First to the top, I have to sign the summit log.

As I summit the ridge, I see him sitting there, on a rock at the summit, coveting the highest point. He hasnt seen me yet. I look at him a little more intently. Oops, he felt it. He cocks his head towards me slightly, kind of looking at me through his glasses sideways. I can tell he's not happy to see me. I think he wanted the summit to hisself, to say nothing about sharing with a woman....(the thought goes through my head). Oh well, I might as well walk the ridge line to the summit, only 50 yards to go...

"hello" i put out to him when close enough. "Hey" he says. " how was the hike?". "Tough and great, It had me wondering for awhile" "yeah, its a tough one." he says. "great views though".

I turn around and notice for the first time the amazing 360' view. down the mountain into town, tucked in the valley between the majestic formations. We are standing on a mountain/butte way above everything else around us. I can even see some mountains off in the distance on some distant plateau. Its hard to describe what it feels like to see the vastness of this place I just happened upon. I now know what drew me to this place. It has amazing power to it. This must be an outdoor lovers paradise.

"It is" .. "um, Im sorry did I say that outloud. "yes you did and you're right, it is an outdoor paradise." He says. "My name is Dale by the way." and he puts out his hand. "Oh, my name is May". "Yes May, my parents are recovering hippies." (We both laugh)

"Well May, sit down and enjoy the views" "where are you from, I can tell you're not local"

"I'm not sure anymore" I seem to be looking for something. (or someone I think to myself...

why I moved here

2005-09-15T15:23:00.000-07:00

Myself and 3 of my fellow guides went and did some exploring this week. We all have been craving it. This summer was so busy and hot none of us felt like exploring around were we live. We found 3 ruins sites, old pueblo dwellings and a couple of old stills. Two of the dwellings were in pretty good shape, well looted but in good shape considering the are 700 years old. The old stills were a split, one was in good shape for it age and the other pretty trashed. Of course the ones in better shape were harder to find and get to, kind of makes sense doesn't it.
We spent approx 6 hours hiking in this canyon on the ridge lines and scrambling around. It was a great stress relief for me and an awsome time. it was great to spend time playing instead of leading around people who obviously couldnt do it themselves. Of course thats why we get paid... Its also great to be the one to watch people as they experience new things and step through their fears and comfort zones. If you are looking to grow and stepping through fears and trying new (healthy) things are a great way to do it...

the newest list

2005-09-12T14:02:00.000-07:00

10 years ago... I was running a raw material warehouse for an injection molding firm during the day. Partying all weekend, and fishing and hiking and generally just fucking off. I was 24 and recovering from USMC and having a great time.

5 years ago... I met my wife and everything changed. We met on a blind date, sort of. My sister had been working on us for about a month. I saw her perform in a show, she had this strange big, blond wig on. The one thing I did notice was how alive her eyes were. So we met in a bar. I got there 15 minutes early (which i do). Because it was a blind date I was totally unsure of the outcome. There was this hot redheaded bartender with big, well you know me by now.... so Im thinking, a backup plan, she's thinking the same thing. so... then the wife walks in the bar and some motherfucker hits me up beside the head with the proverbial 2x4 and thats the last thing I remember.

1 year ago... I was just settling into the new location after moving across the US and loving it. Starting over is tough, at that point I was still making new friends etc.

Yesterday... I had an ok work day, didnt make a lot of money, but got some hours in. Walk in the door after a 12 hour day and my pregnant, hormonal wife preceeds to dumb all this emotional shit on me the second i walk in the door. What the fuck.

5 snacks I enjoy...
Triscuits and peanut butter
doritos
pringles
double cheeseburgers
frosties

5 songs I know all the words to... (tough one)
marine hymn
star spangled banner
99 bottles of beer on the wall
home sweet home, motley crue
mondays suck ( i forget the artists) it was a themes song on WBER a radio station back east, you can find them on the net)

5 things I would do with 100 million dollars...
Attend NOLS (national outdoor leadership school)
Climb Denali
Create an outdoor camp for kids and adults, aplace for personal growth, take them out of their comfort zones and teach them about themselves.
Buy a few houses in some perfect locations.
Buy a jeep, motorcycle, convertable and luxury car.

5 places I would run away to...
Alaska
Arizona
Nepal
South carolina ( i hear the southern girls like to please)
No where and everywhere, just keep traveling...

5 things I would never wear
Pink
Bra (again)
Highheels (again)
Anti American slogans (love it, help fix it, or leave it!!!)
Pie

5 favorite tv shows
Football
CSI Las Vegas
Scrubs
Deadwood
Wheel of Fortune (i know, I know, I know...)

5 biggest joys
Hiking
backpacking
sleeping
cigar
ejaculation (hey you asked)

5 favorite toys
mountain bike
climbing shoes
playstation 2
jeep
woman (i know, i know, i know) to play with, not mess with
Any woods

In hiding

2005-09-09T13:34:00.000-07:00

hello peoples. I have been in hiding. In fact I still kind of am. Life has been overwhelming as of late. Everything and everybody has been causing me stress. Which basically means I need a break. My fishing trip was a bust as far as exscape was concerned. So I'm doing my best to hide. I usually don't and right now, fuck it, its what I need.
So, hopefully I will be back soon to write something semi-intelligent. until then I will probably just read yours and go from there.

Enjoy, I will touch base with you soon. (and of course I could totally change my mind tomorrow... Even us men do that...:)

7 things I am thankfull for!!!

2005-08-29T15:21:00.000-07:00

I am thankfull for the reward I get at the end of every 12 hour work day. (the most amazing sun sets in the world)

I am thankfull for a place to come and vent without anyone knowing who I am (out in the world)

I am thankfull for my love for the outdoors

I am thankfull for my current and past loves and the lessons they have brought

I am thankfull for the opportunity to help create a human being and (hopefully) give them the skills to excel in this crazy ass world.

I am thankfull for wanting for telling me about this place/blog

I am thankfull that I opened my bleary eyes this morning!!

It is my wish that you all do the same and list 7 things you are thankfull for. No guilt trips or requirements. I would just appreciate you letting me know so I can read them...

simple sentences

2005-08-29T14:59:00.000-07:00

thanks to all that have offered me congratulations. Its amazing how one simple sentence can change ones life.

Will you marry me?
Im pregnant (in many different ways depending on the situation)
Im sorry to have to tell you this.
you made it.
Oh.. fuck.
etc, etc, etc

Any other good ones out there?

7 things

2005-08-28T15:22:00.000-07:00

7 things to do before I die;

Summit Denali
Raise outstanding individuals and leaders (that might not have been there last week)
visit the himilayas
rim to rim hike the grand canyon in a day
watch a sun set in hawaii
visit each continent at least once
rock climb in Sedona

7 things I can do

be supportive and encouraging
relax and enjoy the end of the day (that was a hard one)
help people heal old wounds
teach my nephews about the outdoors
teach the general public about nature
take great pictures
walk, chew bubble gum, pat my head and rub my belly all at the same time.

7 things I can't do

lie to my friends
call in to work when I'm not sick
watch an injustice happen and not do something about it
talk to my step-dad (what an asshole)
quit
get enough sleep
get out of my head

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex

nice full breasts
confidence
asking for what she wants
sexyness
long hair
great smile
sexual confidence

7 things I say the most

fuck it
say what?
oh really
no shit
haywood
the best views are earned
Man, I'm tired

Celebrity crushes

Jennifer Connelly (before she got so skinny)
Angelina Jolie
Michele Pfeiffer
Jennifer Anniston
Jane Seymour
Rachel McAdams
Rachel Weisz

2005-08-28T15:06:00.000-07:00

So... I'm back.

it is amazing the amount of things that have happened since my last blog. It's pretty surreal actually. Saturday evening (week ago saturday) my wife was driving back from the city, pretty late. she spent the entire day there at a show and with her acting coach. Called me before leaving, pretty tired and stressed. I'm home on the couch after a 12 hour day of giving tours, around 10:30 I get a call from her...
"could you help me get home, Im having problems getting home"

Me "what do you mean, problems?"

"I fell asleep at the wheel and went off the road....."

So im thinking well what the fuck??? Way didnt you pull over and get some sleep or call me to pick you up, ya know. but of course didn't say any of those things. Just "yes, of course, I'll be right there"

next morning we handle the car and I take the day off from work at her request. (sunday)

Next day I head off for my vacation. boy do I need it, more than ever. A couple days later I receive a voice message from her when I get back to the yurt, from the lake (the fishing was tough by the way, took us awhile to find the bastards, even my vacation was a pain, but you know, a bad day of fishing.....) but anyway, "please call me its important, not an emergency, but I need to talk to you today." Great im thinking...

well guess what, the reason she has not been feeling well and so tired.... come on ladies I know you'll at least figure it out. Thats right she is pregnant...

So now that that has sunk in, remember some of my previous blogs about her doing the NY thing. now that has all changed. Its amazing how she changed her priorities so quick. I'm ok with it and everything, but imagine the places i've been mentally lately. From dealing with my wife moving across the country to having a child in 9 months (our first).

i'm excited about the possibilities and honored by my friends comments when I tell them. It'
s great to hear people tell me they think I'll be a great dad, really makes my day.

So I have excitment, fear, joy and anxiety about the next coming months, years....

Mind the Gap

2005-08-15T15:30:00.000-07:00

by the way, I almost forgot. I watched this great movie last week. It was a tough one to watch and I thought I wasnt going to make it to the end. It was worth it though. "Mind the Gap" is the name, I would say its about overcoming fears, the past, and pursuing dreams. Hard to tell from the first... give it a shot, let me know what you thought if you watch it, or have seen it...

my Friday again

2005-08-15T15:12:00.000-07:00

So its my Friday again.....

Im so looking forward to my play days, thing is all my playmates (for lack of a better word) are picking up extra hours at work. Making money while they can. They all seem worried about this coming winter, the lack of work to come.... Afraid it will be like the last....

YAyaya, bla bla bla. who cares right. what is it I need to say today, what is it I need to do this next couple of days... do some hiking, take some pictures, sleep. I seem to need some kind of quality down time, play time, but am at a loss of what it looks like. Can't decide how to keep my sanity over the next couple of days. To many big life desisions going on, no way to hide. Where's a big bag when I need one. o'h yah, try not to do that anymore. If only I didn;t do it any less.... Sometimes going out hiking is the best thing I can do for me, my motivation is down around that though. I think they call it, depression. I call it mid summer blah's. Tired of the long hours and the heat. Tired of talking about the same thing over and over to the tour-ons, even the nice ones. Good thing I have the trip scheduled next week. :) the light at the end of the tunnel. Five day s in Colorado, 3 fishing, one at Mesa Verde... sanity time. The only way to get me to sit still (other than wearing me out with sex, which never happens any more) is to put me in a boat and get me to cast all day, hoping to drag some poor ass fish out of the lake. Hoping the bastard is big enough to eat or take my picture with. If not he/she got torchered for nada. Kind of how I feel sometimes, torchered for nada. Just someones pleasure.... ;)
So I wonder how we all make it, besides humans in general. us that read each others blogs, do we just put down the bad parts, and omit the good parts, Are we really that undersexed, depressed and angry. Personally I like anonomousness (hows that for a word) of the blog. None of you know who I am or what I look like, well one of you does and I'll get to know what you look like soon;) So here I sit in the library writing my soul and thoughts on this computer with all these strangers around me, having no clue as to what my soul writes on this net. Live long and ponder....

life changes

2005-08-12T17:16:00.000-07:00

So, I seem to have a lot of life changes up in the air right now. It's hard to know what to talk about or if its appropriate, then I remember that's why I like the blog, no-one knows who I am.... Life is good.

the wife, my wife... Is getting closer to make a big career move for her, usually not a big deal except it will put us about 1500 miles apart. Of course I support her, how could I not support her. If anybody told me I couldnt pursue my dreams, I would do it anyway. Besides the last thing I want her to do is spend the rest of my life with her resenting not giving it a shot. The focus of her resentment... we have enough "issues"

Like, being totally different in our likes and passions. i love the outdoors, love hiking and covering ground. She strolls and is a city girl, barely experienced in the outdoors. On our only day off together I want to go exploring and find shit, thats why I moved here (not sure why she likes it her, or maybe just for me).
Overall we get along good, inspite of the differences or maybe because of the differences.... who knows.
So Im confused about it all, wondering if being apart will work, if it is working or if the distance will just delay the inevitable. i have a hard of enough time getting what I need/want with us in the same house...

So these are the thoughts and doubts that role through my head as I go about my work day, give tours (changing one life at a time) , lay in bed at night, sit next to her on the couch or sit looking at an amazing view.

Any thoughts out there, im I crazy, normal, or just me....

help from the ladies...

2005-08-04T11:00:00.000-07:00

So I know I have a couple of you who read this on a regular basis. Or at least did before this long lapse. For the lapse I appologize, even though this blog is all about me (hehehe). Of course everything is and isn't...

So anyway, what Im wondering is what taking care of the ladies looks like. To be specific, breasts. I had a blog awhile back about them and received some great comments, appreciated. What Im wanting now is to know what that is to you ladies. I know what I think it looks like, but what the hell do I know, I'm a dude and don't have them. (probably a good thing, I'd never leave the house). So if you would ablige me I'd appreciate it. Even better send others to the blog for their input as well. It would be cool if this was the start of a big "conversation" about that and other related topics.

Thanks.... ME

Congruency

2005-08-04T10:52:00.000-07:00

Congruency. Yes thats what I said, what exactly does it mean.... If you say you really like doing something but never do, are you being congruent? Hell no. If you say you love someone, but don't show it? you guessed it, hell no. Congruency is when my actions and words back each other up. I walk my talk, cause as we all know actions speak louder than words. Sure I put it here on the net like its the easiest thing in the world but as you and I both know, that is crap. It takes me conscious (sp) thought to walk my talk and as I mentioned before, sometime that fucking shadow bites me in the ass (or worse).
On a related topic, I figured out why I was getting all wound up by those cheap bastards :) I was getting as customers the last couple of weeks. They werent being congruent. Their actions weren't even with thier words... and I guess that just plain ole pissed me off. Well no guessing, I know it did. It took me a day of customers being congruent to realize it. Thanks to all those people from the mid-west last week that taught me that lesson.

when I have nothing to say....

2005-07-28T13:22:00.000-07:00

I sit here wanting to have something profound to say, something to get you to read and comment about me... what is this need I have for attention. Shit sometimes people try to give me attention and I run away, then other times I go looking for it... Is this just my shadow fucking with me. Playing devils advocate, giving me the opposite of what I want or what a part of me wants. For the shadow parts of me are there, they sneak up on me, wait until I have my shit together, then sneak up and Boom. the shit hits the fan, what the fuck, I had it all under control, or believed I did, but hell what is control anyway, the more I strive for it, the less I grasp it. The more I let go of it the better I feel about not having it. Who am I to think I am in control of this universe, well not this one, just my own. For I am the master and commander of my universe, as you are of yours. We are all the center of our universe's. Each one different than the other, kids different from parents, parents from the kids. Mine from yours, your from mine. If we only truely knew what was going on in each others universe's would we love them more, be there for them, help them, or be scared shitless of the shadows that you bring to yours, or you of mine. We are all totally different and excactly the same. We all want the same, what is best for us. It just looks different to all of us. I my want to be left alone and let the rest of the world take care of its self. You may want to save the world because it cant take care of its self. No matter what we are trying to better our own universe. Whatever it looks like. My universe is improving, everyday. The more I am aware of those shadow parts of me, the less the bite me in the ass, so to speak. Do you know your shadows, those parts of you, you hide from, repress and deni. know them, fix them or accept them before the control you. It only gets worse as the years go by, there are more and more building up if you arent working on them...
Or just say fuck it, smoke a bowl, drink a beer, sit on your porch and watch all the crazies walk by and wonder...wonder what the fuck they are thinking....

breasts

2005-07-25T14:07:00.000-07:00

So enough of the bitching, lets talk about something I love. Yes, you guessed it, Breasts. Somehow along the line I became a breast man. I'm not sure when it happened, why or how. Maybe I was breast feed to long as a kid, or maybe not enough. But man do I love breasts. I seem to like different ones from time to time. Some times the young perky ones, sometimes "mom boobs" as my sister and her friends call them. You know the ones, slightly (or a lot) bigger than they originally where. They seem a little fuller rounder sometimes than their predicesers (sp). One of the things about meeting new people all day long is I get to see many different shapes and sizes, young and old. This has helped me realize that I just plain ole love them. Not a life changing epiphany by any means, but still awsome to know. It's too bad I know live a life where I don't get to see or feel many different shapes and sizes. What was I thinking.... Of course at the time I had no idea, how could I. I didnt have the opportunity before this, what was I thinking then.... So tell me you thoughts if you happen to read this, male or female I would love to hear feedback from both sexes if possible, young and old of all shapes and sizes.....
:)

Stiffy

2005-07-23T17:59:00.000-07:00

first off this isnt what you think. Some of you may have figured out I give tours for a living. We get a "base wage" supplimented by tips. here in lies the rub... It's hard not to put a lot of weight and energy into that tip. You cant predict it, you cant rely on it. You give a great tour and get two bucks, give and ok/mediocre one and get 40$. How can this not drive you crazy. Yesterday I made a lot and today didly.. My last tour, just finished, great tour connected with the people, and they walked, the stiffy as we call it. It's hard not to take it personally, but hey that makes me human. That whole human theme again;)

grin and bear it season

2005-07-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

how hot is hot. frying eggs on rocks hot. burn your hands on steering wheel hot. i work in AC all day hot. My hiking partner just passed out hot. This is our grin and bear it season. Not quite monsoon, definately not winter. I take people out on tours, they ask questions like; what kind of wildlife will I see today, I want to say "none you dumbass its 104 outside, they are smarter than you are and would never be out and about this time of day". Instead I say something like most are noctournal, at least until they learn to bottle water.
how many tours a day do you do. "do you really fuckin care, no I didnt think so, shut up and enjoy the view". I wish, ever wonder about darwinism, survival of the fittest, why we create so many stupid people. I know with animals the more they produce the higher the mortality rate. That used to be true for us, now though, we have found ways to fight the system, cheat nature. but for how long. Disease is natures great equalizer. Anytime an animal overpopulates, disease levels rise and thin the herd. Some day we'll let it happen to us and return the balance.
Hows that for shadow side honesty....

It s hot and I'm ornery, were is a hot ornery woman when I need one, we could relieve some stress together, suck on airconditioning and lay around naked until the weather cools off this fall.... Take turns pleasing each other until fall... life is good.

slow days

2005-07-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

So its hot here right now. The customers are few and far between. They are wisely seeking airconditioning. Probably good for my long term health, just not the wallet. So...

Maybe I'll walk in the heat, enjoy the views of the rocks, Take a dip in a swimming hole, nap???
hell why not, life is good... if money can't be made might as well enjoy the views. Its why I moved here. Gave the corporate world the finger and said QUALITY OF LIFE!

If you where here, what would you do, enjoy the views take a nap, curl up with your sweety, have some mad and passionate sex, watch that movie you've been wanting to see, Or just sit around pissed of because you aren't making money?

What kind of person are you?